The winter months are meant for neither poolside nor patio lounging. They are, however, meant for hitting the club, checking your coat, basking in the body heat of sexy, gyrating ladies, and getting your dance on. So, if you don't know how to dance, what are you planning on doing until April rolls around? Short of doing a lot of very concentrated drinking, it would seem like your best option is to learn how to shake your groove thing.

The Basics:

1) Don't believe the people that tell you no one will notice if you're a horrible dancer. People notice, even if they're drunk. And they may even tell their friends. Soon, you'll be famous around the club for your complete obliviousness and lack of rhythm, neither of which are good labels to have while trying to pick up the ladies.

2) Don't enlist the help of your studly friends, unless you can verify their dance capabilities. Otherwise, it may just mean two left feet leading two other left feet around in circles.

3) Do find the rhythm. Most club music (jungle, house, hip-hop, etc.) should be countable in groups of eight counts, with a fairly solid bass line. Nod your head to the bass line, secure in the knowledge that small movements with the music look much better than large movements while ignoring the music.

4) Do mind your appendages. Any accidental instance of foot-crushing, butt-grabbing, or slapping with a flailing arm will not go over well wih your fellow party-goers.

5) Do start small. Once you've got your big-pimpin' head nod down to a science, you can enlist the talent of other body parts. Shift your weight from foot to foot in rhythm, or add a little back and forth motion with you upper body. Gradually, add another body part or increase the movement of an already-twitching part.

6) Do enlist a partner. Despite the fact that, traditionally, men lead when they dance with women, you can take a cue from the cute girl you're dancing with. Assuming that she won't slap you for getting fresh, carefully place your hands on her hips while she dances and notice the path that they make. Men tend to be less mobile in the mid-section than women, so try to perform a slightly more subtle version of the movement her hips are making, in unison with her.

For the hopeless: Bring in your brother's girlfriend, or some other friendly female to act as your at-home dance partner. Teach yourself there, shame-free, before trying to bust anything out at your dancehall of choice.

For the really hopeless: You can always just be "that guy" who is waving his beer in the air and inviting women to come dance for or on him. If you must.