New York City and the Department of Health want to make riding the D train downtown safer, free of charge. No, I'm not talking about increasing security on the subways; I'm talking about NYC handing out free, specially packaged condoms.

While NYC currently hands out about 1.5 million condoms in ordinary wrappers, a new packaging, expected to resemble the colorful subway map, is going to be released just in time for Valentines Day. It is their hope that this new packaging will appeal to New Yorkers and our human desire to wear brands. What better way to celebrate love then to give a bunch of people an excuse to have anonymous sex?

While most of us are not excited about Valentines Day, NYC and Doubleagent are giving all of us something to look forward to. Let's face it, most of us hate Valentines Day, those of us that aren't in a loving relationship just wish the calendar would flip from the 13 to the 15. Which is why Doubleagent and co-sponsor Cuervo has decided to throw an Un-Valentines party on Wednesday night at the Pink Elephant in NYC. Instead of lame cards, overpriced dinners and superficial interpretations of romance, this night is all about fun and mischiefjust...just like Cupid would have wanted.

At the bash, you can pick up "One Night Stand Kits," which will include the new NYC condoms, along with toothbrush kits, a metro card and other one night stand essentials. The advantages of the subway map condoms are endless. First of all, when you wake up in an alcohol-induced haze, you'll be able to find your way home. There is nothing worse than having to wake her up to find the shortest route home to have to do the walk of shame, now you can slip out undetected. Second, they're a great ice breaker; "Have you seen these crazy NYC condoms? Man, I wonder what they feel like." Oh yeah, and they also protect you from STD's and HIV.

However, these condoms can not protect you from muggers on the subway. So, if that's what you are looking for, write to New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene and see if they will hand out free subway map pepper spray instead.